vivo. amor. risa.

if i told you i didn’t love you, i’d be lying

if i told you i didn’t trust you, i’d be speaking mountains of faith in my own character

defending myself against sly wolves in sheep’s clothing preparing the day where we battle face to face like I always knew we would

arrows drawn aiming for hearts

wanting blood, not love to pour from the mouth of the one who said magic words

and casted spells never meant to last

i’ll post a poem i started before midnight

it’s the only place I’ve felt safe.

the only place that felt surreal and calm even with sirens and gunshots echoing in the streets.

i remember the bodega that sheltered me from cat calls from cats who didn’t care what year i was just that i was alone.

i remember the barber at the barbershop that let me sweep up the hair one Sunday afternoon for five dollars while the old men sat watch playing dominoes.

i remember the mechanic who always kept an eye out for me while i rode my bike up and down the empty sidewalk and always pumped my tired for free.

i remember the playground across the street from the library, the cave i use to hide in and read judy bloom felt safer than a military base. the sprinklers were my friends fresh relaxer or not.

i remember van siclen, pennsylvania avenue, flatblush, ocean, new lots, jamaica, linden, and kings hwy very well. Ronald’s house had the best tubes and slides, my birthdays were always the best.

i remember the A, 2, 3, 4, C, and D. they smelled like redemption and rang like freedom, even with the bum sitting at the end seat holding his styrofoam piggy bank or the man selling the glow in the dark bracelets and yo-yos.

i remember feeling safe despite sirens, gunshots, and guilty strangers staring with eyes like fire burning holes in my jeans. i remember being hugged my the air and kissed by the sun, loved my the rain and comforted by the sounds of city.

i long for the streets of Brooklyn….

I don’t have a fat ass. I love my chocolate complexion. I leave my place without makeup 90% of the time. I don’t care what I wear, as long as I’m comfortable and it matches somewhat. I wear glasses. My hair is natural and sometimes I don’t feel like tackling it so I leave it in an afro. “Getting money” is not a priority, getting my education is. I would rather watch a movie than party. I don’t get my nails done. I would rather sip a glass of wine than take shots. I would rather take my time than rush into anything. I’m strong-willed and heavily opinionated. I do NOT sleep with every guy I talk to. I have standards. I’m soft and delicate when needed. Some days I want to be left alone. Other days solitude scares me. I’m careful with the words “I love you” and I know what real love is. I’m sincere and sentimental. Certain words showcase my accent. I’m laid back. I like to try new things. I like engaging in intellectual conversations. Sometimes I have an attitude, but it’s NEVER for no reason. I am my mother’s daughter, and I am me. I like being me. I’m proud of me. I  know what I deserve. I have an old soul. I’d rather listen to A Tribe Called Quest than 2Chains or Lil Wayne any day. My thoughts are all over the place. Sometimes I say things I don’t mean but I will always admit when I’m wrong. I’m not perfect, but I accept my imperfections and work on them daily.

So tell me….would you date me knowing all that?

I can’t wait to go this summer….

Subways, Striver’s Row show, and Shopping (:

#excited!!!!

breaking out, trouble sleeping, increased appetite..ugh!

tooooo stressed to write…and i’m not sexually involved with anyone anymore

so i’m trying to deal the best way i can.

i can’t wait for the end of finals so i can relax

and write